Wonderfully Messy

by lovelysimply

The beautiful Erica of  Honeybee Boutique sent me this tank top from her adorable line of tshirts. And let me be honest… This week it has felt extra appropriate. I can’t put my finger on it, but I have felt extra messy lately. Like our home needs to be purged of stuff. Like I can never get on top of housework, like I’m failing on all social media fronts (more on that another time) like I’m not doing all the things I should be doing as a mom… 

It could be the change of seasons–in spring, I want to lighten my life, and spring cleaning goes with that. It could be my husbands coaching schedule which has him home later at night. It could be that I just haven’t been feeling 100% physically…I’m run down and tired despite Redmonds good sleeping schedule and my own early bedtime. I don’t know what it is. I yearn for heat and sun and feeling humidity on my skin, and being outside all day. This happens to me most years– by April I am finished. In Thailand, where I grew up, April was the zenith of the hot season. We celebrated it with Song Kran, a Buddhist holiday that has morphed (at least in Chiangmai) into a gigantic city wide water fight. I think my bones yearn for that warmth, even after having lived in America for sixteen years.

  I have a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself– I’m sure you can relate. I have always kept myself busy, and as a mom, it is even more intense. I find myself thinking, “Oh my gosh, should I be teaching Redmond his colors? Should I be singing about his head, shoulders, knees, and toes? Should he be eating more or differently? Am I failing? Am I failing? AM I A FAILURE?” You feel me? Even if I know that I am a good mother, intellectually, it is so easy to spiral down that rabbit hole of self doubt and self loathing, and end up where? At the bottom. In a mess.
 It is an exercise in self control to remind myself that I am enough. I could always be doing more. I could have a cleaner house, I could make more baked goods, fancier meals, have a better blog, start teaching Redmond his alphabet (I kid) and on and on and on–but I am, right now, enough. My son is beloved. By myself and my husband. To Redmond, I am a perfect mommy. He loves me purely and without question. And this life of mine? It is wonderful. A wonderful mess.

details: honeybee boutique, co/similar flannel/sneakers

Also, thanks to mom.me for featuring me in their top 25 fit Instagram moms! Such an honor. See the article here.