List of Fives (loves and…dislikes…of motherhood)
Needless to say, I love being a mom. On days like today when I am reminded once more of the sad, dark, dangerous times we live in, the weight of this responsibility– to raise a child that will make this world better– is heavy on my shoulders. Before Redmond goes to bed every night, I whisper to him my hopes. That he will be kind, gentle, brave. That I am proud of him. That I will always love him. To always remember to be good to other people. To be unselfish. To learn kindness, kindness, kindness. This is not going to be a heavy post, even though this is a heavy day. Because levity is a powerful thing, and so I’m keeping it light and real as I typically try to do. We see lots of Beautiful Motherhood images out there. And lots of us mamas (I’m talking about myself here) wax all kinds of poetic about the miracles of childbirth and being a mommy. Because, obviously. But you know? It’s not all fun and games. In fact, there are some things about it that I DO NOT LIKE. My mother told me never to complain though, so I’m going to balance out every negative with a positive so that I don’t get too whiney.
1.Thing I don’t like: Naps. Ok– I love when he actually is TAKING his nap. But no matter what I do, Redmond continues to hateloathedespise this practice. Sometimes he cries for ten minutes. Sometimes for forty five. Sometimes he takes a two hour nap. Sometimes he just straight up doesn’t sleep. Every time I think that we are getting the hang of things, Redmond decides he hates resting and we have to start all over again. Also, he almost never sleeps in the car, stroller, or carrier. The ONLY PLACE HE SLEEPS is his crib. So if he refuses to sleep, he’s just going to be crabby. Awesome.
1. Thing I love: When I go in to get him in the morning (Redmond is, thankfully, a great over night sleeper), he is all smiles. Goofy, love drunk smiles. Sometimes he waves at me. This morning, as soon as he heard my voice, he started cooing “maaaaaammmma.” Cue meltdown.
2. Thing I don’t like: Redmond’s new found Angry Voice. You know? Most changes we get all excited about. A new movement! A new food he likes! A new sound he’s making! Unless that Sound is a bloodcurdling, tantrum-esque screech…I can’t stand it. When I put him down for those god forsaken naps? He indulges freely in that screech. He sounds like he is being tortured, and I’m sorry, is it so terrible to get to lounge about in bed twice a day Redmond? I beg your pardon.
2. Thing I love: He finally reaches for people. When he puts his arms up for me, it is the best feeling ever. When I hold him and he is feeling lovey, he will wrap his little arms around my neck and nuzzle his nose into me.
3. Thing I don’t like. Putting Redmond into his car seat. Once upon a time, he loved sitting in his carseat and he would fall asleep without fail. One day, he decided he didn’t want to do that anymore. Truly. He just stopped car sleeping. All at once. And now, half the time that I put him into his car seat, he squeals as loudly as he can while arching his back and all around being naughty. I tell him to knock it off, and he looks at me as if I am the Mistress of Torture and he could do without me.
3. Thing I love. When I have to get gas, and when Red has calmed down from The Trauma of being Placed in a Car Seat, he laughs and smiles at me through the window while I fill up the car. He thinks I am hilarious, and if he hasn’t seen me for like five whole minutes (And has therefore forgotten that I am the Mistress of Torture) his whole face lights up and he is giddy with joy. It makes me feel like a million bucks.
4. Thing I don’t like: Being Sick with a baby. When I was pregnant, I got the stomach bug, and I just laid around for two days with a bucket and slept a lot and watched a bunch of movies and sipped chicken soup in bed. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOD DAMN VACATION. Now? Well. I’m STILL sick from the flu that we all got last week…and I took exactly zero naps. I watched precisely ONE SHOW during the day in bed. I was comforting baby, walking the dog, dragging myself around the house trying to keep it from getting out of control, making dinners–and of course, breastfeeding constantly because sick baby=extra nursing sessions. I was also getting up at night with Redmond on the few nights that he was really sick to make sure that his fever wasn’t too high, and that he wasn’t getting dehydrated. I am STILL exhausted.
4. Thing I like. I love reading with him. We started this evening routine when Red was like…two weeks old. He’s always been very interactive, and he quickly developed a love for stories. Now, he has his clear cut favorites. Jungle Book and Moby Dick are his absolute, no doubts about it, obsessions. They’re from a line of books called Babylit and are totally adorable. He turns the pages and occasionally squeals with delight. He also loves his touch and feel books. He’s got Peter Rabbit and Tails and he walks his little hands over each page, looking for the “feel” on it. 5. Thing I don’t like. Redmond’s wandering hand when nursing. Is he tangling it adamantly in my hair? Possibly. Is he shoving a finger up my nose? He may be. Is he tugging with all his baby strength on my lower lip. Very likely. Even when I put my hair up in a tight ponytail, he will spend five minutes feeling around until he finds a tiny strand of super sensitive hair to pull. He has started pulling on my eyelashes when he can’t find anything else. I wish I were kidding. It makes me CRAZY!
5. Thing I like. Showers and baths with my baby. Lots of people do this from tiny newborn-hood. I didn’t though, because our bath tub is terrible, and I don’t actually LOVE baths. Because I get cold within like two minutes. But now, we shower pretty frequently together. Redmond clings like a little monkey to me, and opens his mouth to swallow water. Last week when we were both sick, and Redmond was beyond the realms of grumpy and stubbornly refusing to nap, and Nick was working late, and I was at my wits end, we ran the shower, plugged the tub part way, and sat in the warm water while the water ran over our shoulders. Redmond played happily with his bath toys as he sat in my lap, and it was utterly relaxing. Until he discovered the shower curtain and wanted to gather it to his chest and eat it… I also love just straight up Home Days after we’ve been busy for a while. I wear my comfiest gym clothes all day, and we get to nurse slowly, play at length, and have tickle fights. The shirt I’m wearing in this post is so soft, so warm, and so cute. I would wear it every day if this wasn’t a lifestyle blog and thus occasionally requires an outfit that doesn’t include leggings…